Trying a new approach...

Read below for details.  This was my reply to Gavin's question of, "will you buy me Legos?"

Sennika's Achievement Day (group for girls ages 8-12 for our church) leader caught me at the Relief Society activity this week.  She told me how Sennika burst through the door, holding the hand of one of her little friends announcing, "Sis M!  I was inspired!"  She proceeded to tell her what had happened during conference.  We had been listening to a talk about helping to include those around us who may not be joining us in full activity.  She announced that she had a friend she hadn't seen for a while at Achievement Days.  As we discussed it, we decided to call and see if there was something we could do to help her come.  Mark and I forgot about it until we listened to that conference talk and once again about a week later, Sennika brought it up.  I called and spoke with her friend's mom and found it she simply needed a ride.  As I discussed it with Sennika's leader, she had assumed I had been the one who had reached out.  I only reached out because my wonderful daughter was inspired and acted on it.  That is just how Sennika is.  She came as a smart, determined, and thoughtful person.  It has been wonderful to watch how receptive she has been at our attempts to steer those qualities in positive directions.  I love having a daughter and feel connected to her in ways I cannot duplicate with the boys.  I also think because of her maturity, she was the perfect first born child.  Her ability to comprehend and understand seems to have lent more naturally to forgiveness and seeing to the heart of our efforts and words.  I'm not sure if that is making sense.  I guess to be concise, we seem to have connected deeply with her and the approaches to keep that relationship open and thriving are working. Although there is still much ahead to be experienced in her life, we are confident she has a great footing in truth and is comfortable in seeking our counsel and support when needed.  It is humbling to be this amazing girl's Mama!

When it comes to our next child, though, we are still working to find what hits the spot perfectly.  There are several things that are working well with Gavin in our relationship with him, but we are still trying to figure out how best to engage him in difficult conversations.  He rolls his eyes, goes quiet, or will ask, "are we done yet?" when we ask him questions.  Sennika would jump on the chance to give a thoughtful reply.  Gavin isn't volunteering his thoughts as easily.  A friend shared something that worked well for her with one of her boys with a similar personality.  She said they would write letters to each other.  I eagerly shared it with Mark and we both agreed that it really could be what we need to connect more deeply with each other.  Gavin LOVES letters!  We keep a notebook under each family member's pillow where anybody can write a note or draw a picture for each other.  We write him fairly often, but I haven't ever used that opportunity to ask him questions.  So far Gavin and I have written back and forth a few times.  I shared the idea with him and told him I would love it if he wrote at least one question in every note.  I haven't asked anything hard yet, but he is writing me back.  I am finding that using humor also seems to be in my favor in parenting him. When Mark has a minute to slow down this weekend, he will also jump in and see how it goes with a letter to Gavin.

We recognize that none of our children are the same.  Although there are elements that don't change about our parenting style, how we apply them will be different for each child's needs and personality. We will continue to encourage open discussions and feelings to be shared freely and explore how best to reach each one of our children.  I am grateful for a husband who is equally eager to raise our children well and that together we have more wisdom.  As I have written before, I KNOW I am not on this journey alone.  It is too big and beyond my ability.  I KNOW as I continue to plead for help, inspiration, and strength, He will continue to guide me to solutions and give me the eyes to see to discern past what is bubbling on the surface to the heart of the matter. What I am doing from moment to moment is that important to Him.  I am grateful for the opportunity to mother so many bright, energetic, and precious souls!