The Temple...

Written Mar 23, 2016

It's been fun to get in the groove of writing every day and giving you half put together thoughts and snippets you may otherwise not get.  I have noticed on my traffic that I seem to have regular visitors.  I don't know of your faith, but mine is of an eternal perspective.  As a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, I believe that this life here isn't the end.  I believe that it is but a small part of our existence---that we lived before coming here and that we will continue on after death.  I believe that family relationships can be eternal.  Isn't that as is should be?  That individuals within a family seek to improve themselves and strengthen relationships so that we want to continue these relationships? I know it isn't like that for everyone, but I believe it is possible.  I cannot imagine the death of my sister and watching her little casket being laid in the grave only to wonder why our time with her was so short or if she was truly gone forever.  I have become acquainted with a loving and just God and know that would be contrary to His nature.  I also believe that God not only intends to save us, but to exalt us.  To may Christians this may seem blasphemous, but it is truly the same doctrine Christ sought to teach during His mortal ministry.  It is in sacred structures called temples that we learn about our eternal relationship with God and how He intends to accomplish such a lofty goal.  

Last night while Mark tucked the kiddos in bed, I headed up to the temple.  It was my great privilege to be one of several volunteers there to clean.  I started out vacuuming the Celestial room.  Some of my other favorites were vacuuming the bride's room and where Initiatory is performed.  My heart filled with gratitude as I pondered on the peace and perspective I have had in these very walls and my beloved Rexburg temple and some sacred moments in the Idaho Falls temple.  There are many side stories I could take with this post as I had about 3 hours to ponder on the memories and thoughts that were stirred by being there last night.  

Being there to clean I was reminded of one more way Mark has spent his time.  When the Rexburg temple was built, we expectedly anticipated to volunteer as ordinance workers. We found out that if you have children, your youngest child must be at least 18. :(  We found out that we could serve in other ways and we were needed.  Mark would go weekly for about 3 hours to supervise volunteers like I had been last night in cleaning the temple. I played the organ and would contact the music coordinator when I was pregnant.  She would rotate me out if the pregnancy held and I would call her to be rotated back in once my newborn was old enough to leave with Daddy.  Having these opportunities to serve helped to keep our temple running, but also has blessed us and our family.

Another thought is that even though it was tricky to get me to the temple regularly with so many little ones, Mark and I both have made that a priority.  With so many pregnancies and so many babies at home, most of my temple worship had been playing the organ followed by Initiatory. Shortly after we moved, I had the prompting to increase my temple attendance and bring my own names too.  It felt unreal to consider HOW we were going to do it.  We were already trading off and sending one of us every week.  How could we possibly send me every week and Mark every other?  We stepped forward with faith. I appreciate the ways Mark has covered my responsibilities at home, so I can have peace of mind during my time away.  Being in the temple every week has been an incredible blessing to me the past almost 9 months.  Most weeks my worship has happened Saturday, followed by partaking of the Sacrament Sunday.  It has brought the Doctrines of Exaltation---that God wants me to become like Him---to life.  Although only crawling inches forward each week, it is forward movement and that has become visible through following this prompting.

Last thought for today.  As we prayed for our straightest course of refinement, the one with the least waste to become like Him with the most efficiency, adoption has been part of that answer. Already we can see part of why and hints for the future. There are days I wonder if I am crazy.  There are days when it feels discouraging and that it seems it will never happen.  There are times it feels too impossible.  We have so much to offer a child and after what we have been through could easily take a birth family comfortably into our own family...but we are still so human with imperfections and weaknesses.  Sometimes I wonder if that humanness is somehow blocking this process from happening.  Basically some days I feel back grade school waiting to be picked for teams at recess, waiting feeling so awkward and worried about HOW it will happen.:)  Thankfully I have enough experience to usually recognize quickly the source of doubt and recenter my trust and faith.  In December we went to the temple as part of our anniversary celebration to perform sealings.  These were our own family names we had done all of the work from finding our ancestors to now sealing ordinances, so it was all the more of a special occasion. Kneeling across the altar from my husband sealing these children to their parents, it hit me powerfully. Of all the things we have to offer, having entered into covenants and seeking to keep them is the greatest blessing to our children.  With willing hearts, God will find the child for us. Of course He will. The desire of our heart is a righteous and worthy one.

I apologize for ending abruptly, but I'm not sure where to go from here in my words.  Maybe more thoughts will come together today or in the coming days to share more.  In the mean time, we want our birth mom to know we are praying for you. We know God is aware of you and your circumstances.  I know for me, at dark times in my life, it seemed He had left me.  At times I felt confused, alone, and even abandoned.  In hindsight I can see clearly that He was always there, often through angels He sent along my path to encourage me and to be His instruments for good in the details of my life. There were times I wished in the moment that things would work out the way I foresaw would be best, but again, in hindsight, and I grateful for unanswered prayers (or God steering me a different direction or to have different timing). God doesn't do coincidences. I KNOW that and I'm learning to trust it more quickly. 

ALL MY LOVE!

~Katy