Bubble of Peace up for my Hypnobabies Mama's!
We were completely caught off guard when our pregnancy became an "extra attention" pregnancy this week. Our Doctor was equally caught off guard. We truly thought we had it all ironed out.
I won't be sharing details other than we haven't been given much hope. If our little guy comes in the next 8 weeks, there is nothing we can do to help him. Once we make it past that point, we are running similar odds as we did with our last miracle baby, but more so this time around since this happened even earlier. We are not sure when he will come or how he will arrive.
On the lighter side, I came home with a strip of beautiful pictures from the Dr. office to share with my little ones. As I showed the kids, our middle guy wanted to know what the letters B-O-Y spelled. I asked our daughter to read it.
Cockily she said, "body."
"Nope, try again."
"It says BODY."
"No...it says boy."
She immediately cupped her face in her hands and proceeded to sob for a good 20 minutes or so. Between sobs, she wailed things like, "I just can't do another brother!" We did our best to be sensitive to the shock...she was planning on a sister. By the end of the night, she came to me and said, "he can sleep in my room. I will even let you put his dresser in there too." A thought came that maybe we should let her lead out on the name picking. Mark and I discussed it and agreed that might be a helpful thing. If she can't have a sister, why not name her brother...isn't that a close 2nd place? :)
We have chosen Shipton as his name. The middle name is yet to be picked by Daddy, but it will be Hungarian like the others.
As it neared close to 24 hours from when it happened, I felt such peace and comfort. Interestingly, I found that I was also feeling joy. I wrote in my journal that night:
"Not joy that I am and will be passing through such a challenge and the possibilities of how it may end, but joy that He has entrusted me with a stretching and growing opportunity. As I realized that I have done all I can to prevent this from happening, He must have a purpose. He needs me to pass through these experiences, so with joy I stand tall with my face to the wind, carried by His strength."
As I was continuing to ponder on the events, I realized that joy I had been feeling wasn't actually my own, but that was Shipton's joy. I had a strong impression that this life experience is more his than mine. I get to stand witness to it. He was full of joy because this is part of his journey and he is excited to have been able to start in Heavenly Father's plan for him.
It's too personal to share at this time, but Heavenly Father gave me a small glimpse of the big picture. It really helped me understand that this wasn't about something I did or didn't do. I won't find answers from a physical or medical standpoint as to why this happened because it is not physical. It was for spiritual reasons. As I shared details with my mom, she reminded me of a fantastic talk that is one of her favorites.
In the October 2004 General Conference, Elder James E. Faust said,
"Now all this suffering might indeed be unfair if everything ended at death, but it doesn’t. Life is not like a one-act play. It has three acts. We had a past act, when we were in the premortal existence; and now we have a present act, which is mortality; and we will have a future act, when we return to God. As Jesus promised, 'In my Father’s house are many mansions.' We were sent into mortality to be tested and tried. As the Lord explained to Abraham, 'We will prove them herewith, to see if they will do all things whatsoever the Lord their God shall command them.'
Our past and present sufferings cannot, as Paul said, 'be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us' in the eternities. 'For after much tribulation come the blessings. Wherefore the day cometh that ye shall be crowned with much glory.' So tribulation is useful in the sense that it is helpful to get into the celestial kingdom."
I had been looking with my "natural eyes" and my limited mortal perspective and understanding. Not just about this change of plans, but all of our other losses as well.He has a plan and a purpose and I will likely not know all of the details of His plan for me and our babies in this life.
I stand witness to the reality that he can make miracles. I know that is possible. Our miracle Baby beat all odds stacked against him and came into our arms healthy, full term, and actually thriving.
I also stand witness to the equally wonderful miracle of having loss swallowed up in peace & comfort. I know that is also possible.
We are doing all we can to keep me off my feet and searching for & applying helps from unconventional medicine. Unfortunately, we have no options from a conventional medicial standpoint.
We are at peace. All is as it should be.
Phrases from these verse kept coming to mind this morning. When I looked it up, it was a powerful reminder of what I have had confirmed in the past few days.
D&C 58: 2-6
"For verily I say unto you, blessed is he that keepeth my commandments, whether in life or in death; and he that is faithful in tribulation, the reward of the same is greater in the kingdom of heaven.
Ye cannot behold with your natural eyes, for the present time, the design of your God concerning those things which shall come hereafter, and the glory which shall follow after much tribulation.
For after much tribulation come the blessings. Wherefore the day cometh that ye shall be crowned with much glory; the hour is not yet, but is nigh at hand.
Remember this, which I tell you before, that you may lay it to heart, and receive that which is to follow.
Behold, verily I say unto you, for this cause I have sent you—that you might be obedient, and that your hearts might be prepared to bear testimony of the things which are to come."
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