Primary Parenting at our Peaks...

Written Mar 25, 2016

I was reminded yesterday of something that we have learned to implement at our house.  There are certain times of the day that each of us function better than others.  In our house, it is different for each member of our family.  We have learned that with our children, we are more likely to have a better conversation of learning when we catch the child at their peak time.

We have also learned to use this concept to our advantage as parents. We tentatively trade off on who is the primary parent based on peak times. Mark is the primary parent at night.  We have discovered that he falls back asleep much easier if woken up.  All of the kids usually sleep well and we may get a rare visitor for a drink of water. In cases such as a sick kiddo, we adapt as needed. Times and seasons of babies are different too. He is the primary parent until he heads out to work. Primary to us means the "leader," the one to correct or discipline, the one to direct needs.  Secondary to us doesn't mean just hang out, rather it's the supportive role and still just as important. Truly he is at his peak in the mornings, plus by him taking the primary role, it gives me time to have uninterrupted self care time to set up my day well.

My peak stretches from after breakfast and chores until around 4:30 or 5 when I start to wilt.  This is usually a "magic" hour as we clean up from the day, cook dinner, and usually deal with bored and/or cranky kids. The timing works out well because Mark usually comes home excited to be with the family.  After dinner i take a quick shower to have a change to recharge and then most nights we tackle bed time together.

There is plenty of give and take with this. There have been plenty of times where the primary parent needs to step away for a minute or  at times of high emotions or throwing up kids where we need two primary parents.  There is always room for adaptation. We are grateful for this rough outline, for all we have learned about ourselves, and a willing spouse to support each other at the times of days or situations where we know ourselves well enough to recognize isn't our peak.  We feel taking advantage of these peak times supports our desires to parent well and consciously.