This picture needs to be a post all by itself. I ended up with a migraine. My guess is a combination of hormones (lovely time of the month) and exhaustion from Shipton up at night (had a runny nose that seemed to be stirring an ear ache that had kept him up for over a week every night). Moms don't get sick days though unless it's urgent enough to have Daddy stay home (and this wasn't). The kids were great to play on their own as much as they could. To their excitement and gratitude (and mine) we did happy meals for lunch. It was easy food plus mom could grab a coke to work with the head throbbing. Thankfully because it is extremely rare for me to drink caffeine, it kicked in within about 15 minutes and took the edge off enough that I could function very well for the rest of the day. HERE IS THE POINT OF THIS POST: The migraine had been bad enough to stir nausea and vomiting. As I had my head in the toilet, a sadly familiar place from all of my previous pregnancies, my thoughts turned to birth mom. It hit my on a new level that it hadn't before: you are literally carrying this baby for us! Having been through 8 pregnancies ourselves and 4 full-term births, we (and I use the word WE on purpose because Mark has been right there and so aware of my struggles) have experienced many different aspects of pregnancy from cravings to IV's and even suppositories of medicine for uncontrolled vomiting...to changes in skin to extremely dry or extremely oily...to sleepless nights...to having ribs or bladder kicked...to swollen ankles and feet...to heart burn and fatigue. Ok, ok...you get it. You know it well because you may be living it right now. I cannot imagine doing all of that for "someone else." I know you love this baby. It's obvious that you would go through all of this because you love your baby. PLUS I can't imagine how deeply you love this baby to rip your heart out and place her in our arms. Nor can I imagine how deeply you love her to (as we hope you are willing and able to do) continue to be a part of her life and our family and the hurt that may stir that she lives with us and not you. Even writing this, my eyes fill with tears! One of our friends who is a birth mom said something when she found out we are adopting that has stuck with me. It was early on in our adoption journey, so at the time it didn't seem true and maybe that's why it has stayed with me. "Adoption isn't for the faint of heart." As I have become more aware of all sides of the adoption triad, I am beginning to understand more of what she meant. This is a fiery, fiery refining trial for all involved. There was a quote in our foster training that I am kicking myself for not writing down. I can't find it anywhere since. It said something like, "Somebody else's child calls me mom. This tragedy is not wasted on me." Although adoption can be really positive, and that is what we envision is this baby having two families who love her fiercely, today I acknowledge that all aspects of adoption aren't warm and fuzzy...it isn't all cotton candy and lollipops. It is an efficient process to cut straight through...of shedding the dross...of making the need for God and the wonder of His miracles unquestionably clear. We are thankful to be on this journey with you. Although we don't yet know who you are, we pray for you. We know you are a woman of courage because God wouldn't have allowed this in your life if you weren't . I have said it elsewhere, but we truly love you and deeply appreciate your doing that for us which we cannot do for ourselves. Thank you for the beautiful gifts of this baby and your life-long friendship.
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